We returned home in October, then it passed on to November, December and by January we started wondering back to our Portland moment. What if we aren't able to have children?
At the same time as we were asking that question to God Joy went on a retreat with high school students where the speaker shared he and his spouse were not able to conceive. It was their choice not to adopt, but none-the-less they were wounded. He also spoke to the pain that rises up with each mother's day as the church celebrates something as beautiful as motherhood, but ignorantly overlooks those who ache at their inability to know the miracle of childbirth firsthand.
As a result of that conversation Joy and I started to pray that our hearts would be changed to one of sympathy and compassion for the childless. We accepted the possibility that we would only be able to adopt, an endeavor we still look forward to someday, if we were going to have children of our own. Surrender has been and always will be a huge step in our personal lives. Ten months ago we came to peace with the truth that God's plan is more perfect than our own no matter how unexpected or confusing. As I remembered stories like that of Sarah waiting to have Isaac, Hannah praying for Samuel, and a number of other stories past and present I came to peace with the fact that God meets desires to heal those with broken hearts.
A biblical truism more than an Orfism is that we are blessed to commune with those who are poor in spirit.
A month later Joy took a pregnancy test. It came back positive. As Joy look at me with tears in her eyes I made a classically insensitive reply, "I am just a bit skeptical."
1 comment:
Hi from Mom. I'm praying for you.
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